Never Go to Bed Angry

Rob 00:04

I know you’ve heard this saying before, never go to bed, angry. And my guest today Beth Blecher learn that from her father a long time ago, and though she had met, so she probably has gone to bed angry. She said she has used that saying, is a way to remember to not hold grudges to accept mistakes and things that happen in life and just move on. And I think that is great advice. Beth is also the author of the book. It’s not just money, it’s life. Um, she also has a podcast by the same name. You’re gonna learn a lot from Beth because she is a true financial planning professional. That takes her role in that business in this business very seriously. Can’t wait for you to hear what we talked about. You’re listening to the truest fan podcast. And now here’s your host, Rob Brown. Welcome, welcome time for another edition of the truest fan podcast. And today I am excited to have with us, Beth blacker, a friend, a client, who I’ve worked with for a number of years, and Beth is the founding partner of Eastern planning in Nanuet New York. She has been at this a long time, Beth is one of those people that I have met and had the good fortune of helping her with her business, but also the good fortune of learning a lot from her because Beth is just one of those people that loves to share good ideas and spread some fun wherever she can. So welcome aboard, Beth.

Beth Blecker 01:59

Thank you very much.

Rob 02:01

So as I warned you, my first question in the podcast is always who is your favorite baseball team? And I know, and this hurts me, because I’ll explain in a minute, but I’ll let you say it.

Beth Blecker 02:15

Him. And I really do have a favorite baseball team. So that’s even more important. So my favorite baseball team is the New York Mets.

Rob 02:25

And I know that you are a season ticket holder and have been for a long time.

Beth Blecker 02:31

Exactly. Since my father got tickets when I was young. So yeah, so this is a family tradition.

Rob 02:38

That is, you know, for those who may be listening to the podcast for the first time, one of my inspirations for the whole idea of coming up with concept of being a true is fan comes from the fact that I am a lifelong Cleveland Indians now, Guardians fan, I just I love lifelong fans. And so as much as I’m not a fan of the Mets feel like they took a couple of players from us that I wish they didn’t have they Beth is a fan a long span long standing fan of the Mets. Although those two guys that we got in return for Mr. Lind door, one of them is an all star and Mr. lindora was not so

Beth Blecker 03:18

screw always make the best of all trades.

Rob 03:21

Well, I think that’s the nature of trading and baseball is you got to take the good ones with the with the bad ones. But absolutely, but frankly, Lindores certainly playing really well right now. And then that’s our are in first place. So there’s something good to be said about that. Yes. So awesome. So Mets fan. So without that I’ll probably shape a little bit of our conversation. But to change gears and really jump into the meat of the conversation. My favorite question to ask to start is, you know, what’s that one or maybe two or three pieces of advice that you’ve gotten over the years, maybe from somebody in your family or, or a mentor or a colleague that’s really stuck with you. And it’s helped kind of shaped the way you take care of your family the way you run your business.

Beth Blecker 04:11

So it’s a very strange saying, and I’ve heard it all my life from my mostly my father, but my mother as well. And they live their life and they were married my father passed away a few years ago, but they were married well over 60 years. And they live their life with the philosophy of you never go to bed angry. And although I don’t know if I’ve actually obeyed that every single time and as I’m divorced, I probably didn’t. But in my life, the conversation of not staying angry at somebody is crucial. And I think that is one of the things that keeps me able to run my business and just be able to live my life by trying never to hold a grudge.

Rob 05:00

Yeah, that’s a great piece of advice, especially in this crazy world that we live in right now, it seems like there are a lot of angry people around who think it’s a good thing to run around angry and talk about how angry that you are, even if you can’t explain it or even tell the person who made you angry, that they made you angry, because you know, they live in DC and you live in Florida, right?

Beth Blecker 05:28

Exactly, yes.

Rob 05:29

Is there a way that you feel like that kind of carries out in the way that you, you know, run your business and serve your your clients?

Beth Blecker 05:38

It is because I believe in options and choices, not rights and wrongs. And I don’t believe there’s any one real right way. And I have developed in my financial planning, of understanding that if I give the client the different options and choices, and let them and help them to make a decision, just because I don’t think that that’s the right decision doesn’t really matter. Because it’s really their life. And they’re planning, it has to be their right decision. And I think that that conversation of not having to have everything my way. helps.

Rob 06:23

Yeah, you know, and that’s hard to write because, you know, it’s the same for me as a coach, because I’m sure there are times maybe not with you, because you’re such an awesome client, where I suggest something to a client, I know it’s the best thing for them to do. And I say, Well, you know, and then if you don’t do that, maybe there’s other way too, and they accept option B, and I’m like, I really want you to accept option A. And if you let that stick with you, you kind of get in the way of that relationship.

Beth Blecker 06:56

Right? And I’m lucky because I will tell you see, I don’t deal with the investing. So it makes it a little easier. But I will tell you that. I’ve gotten to a point, though, that I can step away and say, Listen, I get what you want. And I get, and I get how you want to work. But that doesn’t work for us at Eastern planning, so that we’re not the best advisors for you. So sometimes their way may not be something I can handle, right. But I’m able to step away and say, You need to find somebody who does want to do it your way.

Rob 07:33

Right? So it’s not even just in with the clients that you work with, it may enter into the equation and deciding whether or not you’re going to accept a client relationship. Because if the thing they don’t want, or that they want to do is not what you think is the best thing. Sometimes you have to say no. And that’s that’s hard turning business away.

Beth Blecker 07:56

Yeah, it’s very hard. You know, you talk about mentors and things like that. But I just realized that part of how that developed was from the book raving fans. And there was one piece in the book, and I remember distinctly a gas station, and they always clean the front window. And they did a great job cleaning the front window. And somebody said to them, but why don’t you clean my back window, I’d be much happier if you clean my back window. And they said, No, we can’t clean your back window, we have to clean your front window, right. And we don’t have enough time to do both. So we’re going to do one, right. And we’re not going to do the other one. And that always stayed in my mind. There’s a lot of great stories and raving fans out one just always stayed in my mind that yeah, you just have to do what you do. Right.

Rob 08:46

Yeah, you know, and that’s another one of those crazy things in this world too, sometimes where we don’t sometimes take the time to assess that simple question that we might get from somebody because we want to, we want to take them down our path. You know, we want to take them down our path. That’s the way to go. And they ask a simple question. And you say, No, we can’t do it that way. And then maybe I don’t let you sleep on it, because you didn’t fall asleep angry, and you wake up next morning. So you know, we could actually have done that. And it wouldn’t have been that hard. I know. I know. I’ve done that,

Beth Blecker 09:22

shall we? Well.

Rob 09:25

So one of the reasons that I wanted to make to make sure that I had you on the podcast is you wrote a great book last year if I do say so myself, I did get to participate in that project. Thank you for your help. That’s titled it’s not your money. It’s your life. It’s not just money. It’s life, not just money. Next there got it wrong. I forgotten already. But it’s a great concept. That seems to me to apply. Maybe not directly but pretty close to this whole idea that we’ve been talking about. out in terms of, you know, options and choices. And so I think that’s part of it, right?

Beth Blecker 10:06

Absolutely. And the major part of it is that most people don’t understand how much money they need in retirement, and how much they don’t need, so that they can actually live and spend some of their money, because they’re not going to run out of money. And so part of what I want people to understand is, you have to enjoy your life. That doesn’t mean be spendthrift. That doesn’t mean spend way more than you should. But it means that you don’t want to be the richest person in the cemetery.

Rob 10:41

That’s a great way to put it. And I, I love that in the book, that story that you tell of the client who didn’t feel like she was going to be able to go visit her son overseas, because she just couldn’t picture flying that long, you know, in a tiny little airplane seat and you said, Go first class, and she’s gone. I can’t do that.

Beth Blecker 11:03

I’m not rich. And I was like, You’re rich enough? You can’t afford that.

Rob 11:14

And so if you can finish the story, I mean, it wasn’t just a matter of being able to afford it. It was the way her life changed really, by by doing that,

Beth Blecker 11:24

well, yes. Because it really happened not long after her husband passed away, so she was going to be traveling alone. And that too scared her. And so when I suggested that she could afford and she should go first class, her answer was I’m not rich. And I said, Try it, do it. And she came back and she was so excited. She said, that was the best thing I ever did. And, and it just made her so happy. And it also made her say that she could do this more often, she can visit them once or twice a year. And of course, she said, Can I visit them once or twice a year? Absolutely. But nonetheless, when it came time to book that next flight, she made that call and said, Can I still afford to fly first class? Yeah. And she could. It’s not that big of she’s not a spendthrift. So it was not that big of a deal.

Rob 12:28

Right? Well, sometimes Old habits die hard, right? Or we need we just feel like we need that extra permission. Absolutely. And I think that is, you know, one of the big lessons that I learned and reading and helping you with the book is just that mentality is so different. Because, you know, we sometimes we just think about the numbers, you know, we think about the numbers, you know, I have a client who says, you know, I want to get to X number of hundreds of millions or billions of dollars in assets. And it’s just a number it doesn’t, you ask them why? And it’s like, well, you know, I’m here now, and that’s the next number. And then but like, is that going to make your life more enjoyable? Is that going to make your clients happier? And the same thing is true when you’re serving your clients, you know, they can get, you know, really caught up on, you know, and we hear all the time, what’s your number, like when it talks about retirement? But the number isn’t always the first answer, or shouldn’t be the first answer.

Beth Blecker 13:30

Well, let’s lifestyle, because everybody’s number is different. Because it’s how do you live your life. And some people in order to live the lifestyle they want to live, they need to have two homes, and they need to have a couple of vacations, and some people don’t need that. And that’s okay, as long as that’s within your means. But then once you get there, once you get to that number that says, I can have two homes, and I can go on vacations, but then you keep striving for more, and you keep not going on vacations because you’re too busy collecting more money. Well, that doesn’t work either. So the goal is to work towards the lifestyle you want to have. But also maintain a lifestyle while you’re doing that, too. Sometimes, it’s better to say, you know, so many people, especially when they’re young say, Well, I want to retire at 50. And the answer is, Well, do you want to live until you’re 50? Or do you want to work work work, save, save, save until you’re 50 and then retire and then start to live? And the answer is, well, no, you might want to just say okay, I’ll work till 62 But my life will be good until 62 and then I’ll stop working and my life will still be good. Right? So that’s, again, the options and your choices and it’s you want to have a lifestyle but you don’t want to have a lifestyle. My life will start at age 67 Oh, Have a bit you don’t get to age 67. That’s not so good either.

Rob 15:04

You know, you just made me think I was actually attending a funeral memorial service this past week. And I sat down next to somebody I hadn’t seen in a while, that recently retired and I congratulated him on his retirement, he’s a month in and he goes, You know, it was, after a month, it ought to be going pretty good, right? And he goes, what about you? When are you going to retire? And I thought, you know, when I was 30, I want to retire when I was 40. And now that I’m over 60, I really don’t want to retire, I enjoy doing what I’m doing. And I think that’s a big part of the point that you’re making is, you know, it’s your life part. It’s not even, you’ve got to keep yourself from thinking about, it’s your life is only your life, you know, way out into the future, you know, right? It’s only you retired life, you’ve got to bring them both together. Because if you’re just working for retirement, so you can have fun, then.

Beth Blecker 16:02

But the other problem is, once you get there, you may not even be able to stop then. Right? Once you’re such a big saver, and you’re saving and you’re saving, and you’re saving, and now it’s time to stop work. And spend. A lot of people can’t do that. Yeah. They just can’t say, oh, my god, now it’s time to spend Wait, I worked so hard to make that pile big. How am I going to spend it?

Rob 16:27

Right? Yeah, no, it’s money is a funny thing, if you don’t put it in proportion to those other really, really and more important things in life and how you can balance that out. But I think that’s all part of that is because we live in a society where people want to make comparisons. And so some of that expectation that people have for what they’ll do or how much money they need is they’re comparing themselves to somebody that they probably don’t really even know as much about as they think they do. Do you see that?

Beth Blecker 16:59

Oh, all the time? All the time? Yeah. And they don’t even really want what the other person has. They just think they do.

Rob 17:06

Yeah, yeah, I heard a saying not too long ago, Comparison is the thief of joy. And I think I keep telling myself, I’m going to google that and figure out who said it, but I haven’t done it. But I think it’s absolutely true.

Beth Blecker 17:27

Are you ready to discover your true purpose, live with impact and build an ever greater legacy, than you need to make time for what truly matters most? Go to truest fan.com/challenge To begin the free, truest fan seven day Quickstart.

Rob 17:52

So another really interesting thing about your career and your business path is that you started as a financial advisor as a female financial advisor at a time when there weren’t a whole lot of women that are still probably aren’t relatively speaking, who do what you do in a time when it was difficult for many women to get into business or be entrepreneurs. Talk a little bit about kind of how you view that journey? What advice would you give to maybe a young woman who’s listening saying, you know, I’m thinking that I want to build a business and I want to, I want to skip some of the steps that Beth had to take?

Beth Blecker 18:32

Well, I don’t know about the skipping the steps, because all the steps lead to where you want to go. So sometimes, if you skipped a step, you’re not going to be where you are, because all those steps made you who you are. So I started out as in my education as I was going to be a teacher. But I use that conversation of teacher as a financial planner. So I think that had I never learned to be a teacher. I wouldn’t do what I do the way I do it. So it’s hard to say. But the conversation that a lot of women have is, well, there’s actually two big conversations. One is I’m not really good at math. I’m not. If there were not a computer and a calculator, I would not be good in financial planning. However, however, financial planning isn’t really math. It’s really working with people and helping people and a lot of women. They’re fabulous at that. Being able to listen to somebody and talk to somebody and find out what they really want. And then help them put together the life that gets them to where they want to be. And so it’s don’t let I can’t do it stop you, because it will stop you. And then another another really big problem for women and financial planning is there is no salary. Right? Right, you get paid either Commission’s I get paid assets under management so I get fees. So when the market goes down, I get paid less and it’s like, oh my god, I got paid less this quarter. And a lot of times women are afraid of that women are nurturers and to get a salary is like, so helpful. And to be out there and say, oh my god, I’m gonna have to do this on my own. What if I can’t do it. And that’s the other side that you have to take a step over and say, I can do this, I’m going to be really good at this. And that scared me the most, I think, going out there and saying, I can do this alone. And I can support myself and I can support my family. And I’m going to tell you, there were a few times I stepped back and thought, well, maybe I should just get a job. And I’m so glad that I didn’t let that fear stop me because I love what I’m doing. So I think women just have to step out of that, that shell and say, I can do it.

Rob 21:12

Right. And, you know, I guess. And this is where it’s tough because I’m not a woman. And so it’s even it’s hard to pretend like I am even though I have a wife and three daughters, you think I learned something you’re surrounded. But that whole idea of the of the concern over not having that consistent salary, that consistent paycheck? That’s tough for a lot of people, maybe not most people, a lot of people,

Beth Blecker 21:41

absolutely. A lot of people, yes.

Rob 21:45

But I can see, I can see though, what you’re saying. Because it’s if your personality is such whether you’re a man or a woman and maybe more typical for a woman is a want to have some security, some sense of everything will be okay, even if you know when things get rocky, it’s harder, and you have to fight your way past that. So there’s a believing in yourself. That’s a big part of being a true as fan is be believing in yourself being a truth fan of yourself really becomes really becomes critical.

Beth Blecker 22:19

Yes, yes, it is. And you do have to be your own fan. Because sometimes you’re you’re only.

Rob Brown  22:27

Right, right.

Beth Blecker 22:30

And you need to step up.

Rob 22:32

Yeah, yeah, it’s sometimes that’s the first step is just when you begin to believe in yourself, then you can start to see that those other people that you think may not believe in you or support you really, really, really do care and really do want to help. But you have to be open to that possibility. Right? Absolutely. So one of the other things that I admire about your business is in and I think maybe this goes even back to the fact that we were talking about you were talking about raving fans a little while ago, and that your belief that you want your clients to be true as fans raving fans of your business, and you are so good at coming, you and your team are so good with coming up with ideas for making your clients understand how important they are to you, you know, maybe can you share maybe a couple of things that you’ve done in the last year and kind of where that motivation comes from.

Beth Blecker 23:31

So one of the things I’m about to do is, well, I always have a client Appreciation Event COVID has caused it to be rather different. But this year, we’re actually doing a client appreciation event. And this is my year of the family. It’s my year of stressing how important family is and, and working with my clients, children and all of that. So we’re having a family event. And we’re going to go to a local farm and we’re doing apple picking and a picnic. And we’re inviting all our clients and children and your grandchildren. And we’re going to have a big day of apple picking. So it’s really, it’s really trying to incorporate it all. But the other thing we try to do is we try to do something, we try to give gifts that are for the person, you know, not just send them a box of cookies, but try to find out and it’s very important for my staff to listen in me as well, but to listen when we’re talking to our clients and say, oh my goodness, one of my clients was going on a bike trip, and they were traveling. I have a lot of clients that are in cycle clubs, and they were traveling, not motorcycles, bicycles, and they were traveling cross country almost I don’t know exactly where but we knew at the time I’m in. So we bought this book of these places you should stop when you’re going on that type of a trip. And he called up. And he was so excited that we actually heard what he said and got him something for that. So again, it’s just trying to listen, and trying to be there and, and do something that lets everybody know that we’re there for them.

Rob 25:24

Yeah, that’s awesome. And as you were describing the apple picking up thing, gosh, Beth is basically having a, like a family reunion of her client, family and their families. It’s, it’s just a great image to think about. But then, you know, you take that a step way further, when you start to think about what are those individual things that you can do for the client? Because, you know, I’ll get questions all the time from, you know, advisors, like, what’s a good thing to send my clients for an end of the year gift, you know, and, you know, they ended up being the same things, and they’re like, logo heavies, like, you know, they’ve got to put their logo on it, because, you know, it can’t just send them something nice. It’s got to be nice. And make sure they always remember where they got it. And that’s like, now, if you’re gonna give, because you just want to show someone how much they appreciate. Don’t expect to get something back, it’ll probably come back. But But doesn’t that some, you know, that’s okay to

Beth Blecker 26:23

know, for a client event, we always have a gift that we give with a logo. Yeah, but not for these random acts of client. Right? Yeah, you know, these random acts? Yeah. Right. So one of the things that we do is I’m very also into pets, and how important animals are to people. And I have some clients that their pets or their children, so we’re also very aware of if a pet dies, or things like that, so we’ll send a memorial for the pet. And, you know, it’s, it’s something that I would want. So it’s something that I would have us do. But one of the things that we did that really was so minor, and it turned out to really be so the client appreciated so much was one of our clients was on a business trip internationally. And she had to actually go to the dentist, and have her tooth pulled in a foreign country, because she had a toothache. And it was really not a pleasant thing to do. And really, and it wasn’t in an English speaking country. And so wasn’t pleasant at all. She told me about it when she came home. And so I sent her a travel dental kit. So it wasn’t going to help her to take, right. But she called me up and she went, thanks. You know, it’s just, I mean, one of the costs of $6. And we don’t just do that thing, really. And she was like, so excited that she got this little toothbrush and toothpaste, and it was almost like what a dentist would give you. But it was a little snap on clip that you put in your luggage. So

Rob 28:08

yeah, that’s funny. That’s the type of guests we like giving. It’s a great story. And again, that’s just kind of part of, you know, in my lingo, being a true is fan is recognizing that people that you care about and trying to make them smile, my favorite of the true span lessons is smiles. And kind words go a long way. And I think yeah, that’s what you’re trying to do with things like that, as you’re saying, you know, the $6 wasn’t the real value of that the trust that you build in the stock was me earlier today that thinks that we should be thinking more about our business in relation to the relationship capital that we build. So not just the financial capital we built when we make our businesses worth more money. But those things that we do every day to add value to people’s lives builds that relationship capital. And I think that’s exactly what you were talking about. So Beth, we’re running towards the end of our time. I do ask three more questions. First to kind of together. Well, yeah, just kind of warning warning you the first to kind of close together, you know, so what does an ideal good client look like for your practice? And if somebody’s interested in learning more about what you do, because they fit that picture? How would they contact you? Okay,

Beth Blecker 29:29

so everyone always tells financial advisors, they should be very rigid in the type of client they say they should have, and they should have a true ideal client. And I haven’t been able to really, really do that. Because people come into my office, and then I like them. And then I want them to be my client because I go, I can help you. Right, right. But basically, I really do have two typically, different types of clients and the one is the corporate executive who’s busy, busy, busy, busy. And they need somebody to make sure their finances are being handled well, they’re investing the right amount of money, they have the right eye, even to the point where sometimes they don’t even have an umbrella policy. I mean, they’re just like, so busy in their lifestyle and or they, you know that Matthew being a CFA? Should they be keeping company stock? Or do they have too much company stock, and they just need somebody who’s, who’s they’re almost like their own private chief financial officer. And so, so that is a very good type of a client for us, because we can really, really help them. But the other type of a client is that type. That’s who I want in my book, the type of person that we can help them live the life they want in retirement, so that it’s the people that are nearing the time and getting towards retirement. And they want to be able to enjoy their retirement. And that’s the people who we can really help. And so it’s very, it’s more general. Sure. But it’s really that way.

Rob 31:08

Right? In those for those clients is a two way street, you really enjoy them, and they really enjoy you. And that’s why you might move forward, we

Beth Blecker 31:16

help them with their children. And yeah, so it works. Well. Did I answer the second part? No, no? Okay. What was the second part?

Rob 31:26

What’s the best way to, for somebody to reach out to you?

Beth Blecker 31:30

Okay, so there’s lots of ways to reach out with me, to me, but probably the best way would be going to my website, because if you go to my website, you see everything you see our phone numbers, and our emails, and my book and my podcast. So it’s Eastern planning.com. And you can really find all about me, my son, Matt, who’s my partner and district planning,

Rob 31:53

right, perfect. Yeah. And I’ll make sure that we put that link along with a couple of others. So maybe even a link to your book. So people can pick up a copy on Amazon or their favorite book site.

Beth Blecker 32:04

And my podcast now is the name of my book. Yeah. So we have our podcast that’s like, talking the lessons of my book.

Rob 32:11

Yeah. So remind people, I think we should call that out. What’s your podcast called?

Beth Blecker 32:16

It’s not just money. It’s life.

Rob 32:17

It’s not just my podcast, but half a dozen episodes in at this point? Well, half

Beth Blecker 32:23

a dozen episodes that I met, and I’ve done, but I think there’s only three out.

Rob 32:28

Okay, yeah, well, just like this one, we record them early. So we aren’t trying to do that at the last minute. I’m gonna ask you a last question. But I want to tee it up by kind of reminding the listeners have some of the great nuggets of wisdom that you’ve shared with us. And then I’m going to ask you, what else is there anything else that you want to add? So that’s like my throw in. But I love you start out by saying one of those things you learned early on was from your dad, which was never go to bed angry. And you’ve really kind of translated that into, beyond just not going to bed angry, trying not to hold grudges and be negative, that that’s really important to you. You talked about the importance in helping clients navigate their financial lives that the more that you can help them understand their options and choices, the better decisions they’re going to make, and the happier they’re going to be. So that’s like, that’s a really, I think, the important thing that we don’t talk to, or talk about often enough. And then the title of your book, the title of your podcast, it’s not just money, it’s life, by itself is just a really important piece of wisdom, something that you should, we should all remember, as we’re going about life, that it’s easy to get caught up in the trappings and forget about living in a way that really fulfills us. Absolutely. So what else? What is there anything else you want to kind of throw on top of that, that might tie a bow?

Beth Blecker 34:06

Yeah. So when I say it’s not just money, it’s life. Sometimes we have to look at it the other way. And it’s not just life, it’s money. Because you know, everyone always says something like, well, money’s not that important to me. And, unfortunately, sometimes, without money, life doesn’t happen the way it is. So you really have to learn how to get that fair amount of both. You really have to learn how to say, I’m going to work towards saving money, and I’m also not going to stop living my life. Right. So it’s really a combination of the two.

Rob 34:48

Yeah, it’s a balance. It’s not this pie in the sky, you know, thing you like, go out and do whatever you want. And don’t worry about how much money you borrow or Waste. It’s I mean, there’s there’s still a balance in there, but remembering to put the life piece in front of the money, or at least the life question in front of the money so that you know that you’re on the right path. Exactly. Exactly. Awesome. Well, Beth, that is a great way to put a bow on the on this episode. Thank you so much for being here. And thank you for all that. You’ve taught me through the years that we’ve been working together because it’s truly a pleasure.

Beth Blecker 35:32

Well, the feeling is equal because I couldn’t be doing half of the things I’m doing without you. So I appreciate you immensely. Okay. I’m one of them would be having written a book.

Rob 35:43

Thank you for saying that. Well, and I guess maybe we should put a plug in at the end. If you’re thinking about writing a book. You should write one. Absolutely. All right, thanks.